That Don't Impress Me Much
by Retro.Pina.Gleek
Summary: Santana is not impressed.


**A/N: So...wow. I haven't really been online lately so this is just to make up for that.**

**I've basically been on holiday and when I came back my internet was messed up.**

**This is for my amazing, patient, exceptionally talented best friend on here Fufu. She puts up with all my crap, i.e. Internet problems and listens to all the rubbish that comes out of my crazy mind.**

**This is set at a random point in the glee series timeline thingymajig. Heh, well let's say before sectionals and let's disregard the whole 'Bad Romance' solo. xD**

**Anyway, review please.**

**That Don't Impress Me Much.**

"So I'm not saying it has to be today or tomorrow. Just sometime in the immediate future would be nice..."

You're sitting in 's office and he's in the middle of explaining to you that since you're the only member of glee club that hasn't performed a solo it would be nice for you to - in other words you _have_ to - perform a solo in front of the club.

You suppose it couldn't hurt, what he was saying was true. Heck, even Brittany had performed her own uh...unique rendition of that song about raindrops on daisies or whatever that you vaguely remember from a film she made you watch at a sleepover. Anyway the point was you had it coming and if you _have_ to perform you're going to make sure it's freakin' unforgettable like everything else about you.

You spot that kid from glee, the one in the wheelchair, Adam? Alex? No, something like Alfred. That was it; you didn't really pay that much attention when they all introduced themselves.

You corner him by his locker and he flinches even though you haven't opened your mouth yet. You smirk as it's always nice to meet an adoring fan.

"Alfred. Meet me in the music room Wednesday after school; you're going to do something for me." You say confidently, who the hell wouldn't want to do something for you?

"It's Artie and why should -" He begins and you don't catch the rest as you've already walked away. He'll be there, curiosity will get the better of him and he'll show just to see what you wanted.

* * *

The next guy you need for your routine is one you think will be a little harder to convince due to fact you dumped him so you were free to take Finn's virginity, you would of done it anyway it's just you were raised a good Catholic and he's...a nice guy. You occasionally get headaches when you feel guilty, your brothers used to joke that it was your long discarded conscience trying to talk to you and getting a headache whilst trying to seduce someone is a total turn off. You approach him after Cheerios practise when he's just finished football practice. You stride into the boys locker room not caring that most of the guys are in towels...or less. You wrinkle your nose in disgust when Puck gives you 'the look', obviously thinking you're here for him. Per-lease, you sigh, if he hasn't got the message by now he never will. You walk past him and meet Matt's confused gaze,

"Uh...Santana?" he says looking around to make sure you're aware that you're standing in the boys locker room.

You smile at him and you're pleased to see that familiar look of terror in his eyes because you never smile. Ever.

It actually surprises you how easily he agrees to come on Wednesday, and you triumphantly walk out of the locker room which frankly reeks of Axe, sweat and testosterone.

You don't even bother to speak to the last guy you need for your glee thing, despite seeing him around five seconds ago. Instead you send him a text because you know he'll be there, thinking that you want to have sex on the piano or something. You roll your eyes but you can't help but smile, picturing the scenario.

* * *

Wednesday goes pretty much like this:

Artie: ''I'm not letting you do that to me Santana. No matter how many times you give me your uh...bitchstare...''

Puck: ''So this is all something for glee? We're still gonna have sex on the piano right?''

Matt: ''...''

It takes a couple more days until Artie agrees to let you do 'that' to him, jeez you're just gonna snap his suspenders, apparently it hurts when you do it. Pussy. Puck finally realizes that you're _not_ gonna screw him on the piano, it took like seven billion times to get it through his thick head and Matt...is just Matt.

* * *

You walk up to at glee practise on Tuesday and looks a little surprised to say the least when you tell him you've got a solo planned. He makes a little announcement and suddenly all eyes are on you.

You start the song leaning lightly on the top of Artie's wheelchair playing with his hair whilst singing the first verse of Shania Twain's 'That Don't Impress Me Much.'

_''I've known a few guys who thought they were pretty smart, but you got being right down to an art._

_You think you're a genius, you drive me up the wall, you're a regular original: a know it all._

_Oh, you think you're special. Oh, you think you're something else._

Okay, so you're a rocket scientist''

You smirk at Artie,

_"That don't impress me much. So you got the brains but have you got the touch?" _

You run your fingers down his arms lightly and he blushes a little.

_"Don't get me wrong, yeah I think you're all right, but that won't keep me warm in the middle of the night. That don't impress me much."_

You snap his suspenders and wink at him over your shoulder as you walk over to Puck.

_"I never knew a guy who carried a mirror in his pocket, and a comb up his sleeve, just in case."_

You approach him slowly and he smirks at you suggestively –as usual–as you place your body flush with his, moving fluidly against him.

_"And all that extra hold gel in your hair ought to lock it, 'cause heaven forbid it should fall out of place."_

You laugh a little here, _what hair_?

His hands go around you waist to pull you closer to him, if that were possible, so you quickly dance out of his grasp.

_"Oh, you think you're special. Oh, you think you're something else._

_Okay, so you're __**hotter**__than Brad Pitt."_

You raise an eyebrow as Puck's eyes rake your body.

_"That don't impress me much. So you got the looks, but have you got the touch?_

_Don't get me wrong, yeah I think you're all right,"_ Your eyes drop down to the crotch of his pants_."But __**that**__ won't keep me warm in the middle of the night. That don't impress me much. Yeah."_

Your arms go around Matt's neck and sway softly with him in a sultry slow dance.

_"You're one of those guys who likes to shine his machine, you make me take off my shoes before you let me get in."_ You push him away suddenly and you're slightly relieved to hear your 'audience' laugh as you begin to sing the next part.

_"I can't believe you kiss your car goodnight. Come on baby tell me,"_ You look back at him expectantly, _"You must be joking right?"_

Matt actually looks embarrassed though you've practised this over a hundred times. It's not your fault the song _literally_ applies to him.

_"Oh, you think you're special. Oh, you think you're something else._

_Okay, so you got a car?_

_That don't impress me much. So you got the moves but have you got the touch? _

_Don't get me wrong, yeah I think you're all right. But that won't keep me warm in the middle of the night."_

You walk back to Puck again and place your hands under his shirt from behind.

_"That don't impress me much. You think you're cool but have you got the touch?_

_Now, now don't get me wrong, yeah I think you're all right. But that won't keep me warm on the __**long**__, __**cold**__, __**lonely**__ nights."_

You pull your hands away before he starts to enjoy it too much and walk past each of the guys, pausing for a second to examine them only to shake your head and move on.

_"That don't impress me much."_

You sing the last line of the song and walk back to your seat, smirking confidently at everyones' stunned expressions. You can tell that they most certainly weren't expecting that. One person however, doesn't look impressed and whether that was due to the way her 'boyfriend' was looking at you throughout your performance or whether she's feeling more threatened than usual you don't know. So at the end of glee when she's packing up her things you walk over to her and give her a simple message.

"Bring it, bitch."

* * *

**God, I love writing Santana. Even if I don't have her personality completely captured I think I'm well on my way so...hey. **

**Review please, my lovelies.**

**Vienna x**


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